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| Hello readers!
It's been quite a while since I last posted. The truth is that God is doing so much in my life. I feel like I'm growing by leaps and bounds. But the things God is telling me are not things that a regular church-going Christian would agree with. As I wrote in my Sunday, March 16, 2008 entry titled "A New Direction", I have been traveling a new path since Easter 2007. I no longer attend church services in a church building. Contrary to what you may think, I have not had a crisis in my faith. My faith remains intact and more firm than ever before. I love God more & know Him better today than last year at this time. He is so active in my life and I am beginning to want to share it. For a long time, I really had no words for what He was doing. I didn't really understand what He was doing. But I'm beginning to be comfortable with this new path and it's wonderful freedoms, and I want to share it with those who want to know about it. I'm also meeting many new people who are on the same path, and I want to share my thoughts with them, too.
But many of my readers are very dear, old friends who have subscribed to my xanga and would receive my new posts, but not really agree with the direction I have gone. I have no desire to hurt anyone, or cause any disquiet. I thought it would be difficult for these friends to unsubscribe from my xanga, not wanting to hurt my feelings, or not knowing what to say.
My solution is to move to Wordpress for my journaling. Everyone is more than welcome to visit my new site and read the thoughts I post there. But this will help my dear friends who might not want to read these new thoughts. They can go to the new site anonymously if they would like to, and not have to feel bad if they don't agree. Or they can choose to no longer read, and know that I don't know either way which way they have chosen.
I have only posted one thing on the new site, and that was over a year ago, but I'm sure I will be posting soon. There's an article I've asked permission to post, so if I get a green light on that, I'll post it first. So it's good-bye to xanga, and hello to wordpress. Here's the link to my new web address:
http://goldendaughter.wordpress.com/
I love you all more than ever, and pray God's deepest freedom abounds in your hearts and lives.
Sonshein out.
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| Going back many years......... I used to want desperately, very desperately, for God to "use me". I have a memory of a particular Sunday at church, long ago. There was a sweet couple that had just recently gotten married, and they were leaving for the mission field. They seemed so excited about God calling them, and they were looking forward to all He would do in and through them. I was very happy for them, but I went home from church that day and went into my bathroom and cried and cried, because I felt that God would never pick me to do something like that. In my heart, I felt like the kid in a classroom with his hand up, waving wildly, saying "pick me! pick me! oh, I know, pick me!". He always seemed to be picking the people who were not anxious to be picked. This used to really annoy me. I'm thinking, "What's up God? I love you passionately, and those people over there are not all that crazy about You. So why are you picking them to serve you?" God is so very merciful. He never did 'pick me'. At least not in the way that I've been describing. And the reason He did not is because of what was in my heart. Deep down inside, I felt like God picked worthy people, and that if He picked me, and used me, then that meant that I was worthy, and that He deemed me special and important. I had become a vessel of honor meet for the masters use. This was very stinkin' thinkin'. God could not possibly bless that line of thinking and heart attitude. If He had of picked me back then, I would have been so proud of myself. And of course, that's not what God wants to display in my heart. Though I didn't understand back then, I was already chosen. I did not choose Him. He chose me. I knew this in my head, but not in my heart. My heart was believing lies. He chose me before the foundations of the world. He loved me before I was even a thought in my parents' minds. He had work to do in my heart. He willed and worked according to His good pleasure. He has graciously, wonderously, rooted this out of my heart over time. It's taken many years of growing in God for me to embrace God's unconditional love for me. And I know that I still only barely understand it. But I know that I know that He loves me & it's not conditional upon whether I'm doing everything right. Living in the reality of His love for me is very freeing in many ways. I'm not striving to please Him anymore, so there's a great amount of rest in my heart. I'm not saying that I don't have any issues, far from it. I still have other areas of struggle.........places where I'm not resting in His love and care for me. But He so successfully demolished the other strongholds in my heart, that I am fully persuaded that He will take care of the remaining parts of my heart that are resistant to His love. The parts of me that want to work things out on my own, will eventually give way to His unrelenting love for me. He is enthroned and will be enthroned as Lord in my heart, now and forevermore. He Who began the good work in us will successfully bring it to completion. He is able to save us to the uttermost. Greater is He Who is in us than he who is in the world. Now unto Him Who is able to keep us from falling, and present us faultless before the throne be glory and honor and power and dominion forever. I love you, Jesus!! | | |
| I just finished reading a book called The Shack. If you have not read it, go and get it immediately and read it. Life-changing stuff I tell you. It's a very moving story, and you come away feeling how much God really loves you. One of the topics in the book is expectations & responsibilities. I have never in my life equated those 2 things with "the law" - as in the thing from which we have been set free. But it was so clearly spelled out in the book. I was dumbfounded. Below is a short article written by the author of the Shack, William P. Young. He states on his website as www.windrumors.com that anyone may quote anything he has written on his website. Very kind of him. Anyway, here is a little peek into his thoughts about expectations & responsibilities: This chapter (God is a Verb from the book The Shack) has emerged for some as very significant, especially as it unfolds the opposition between trust and ‘our expectations’. Expectations are one of the dominant ways that we attempt to control our lives, our relationships and God. Largely, they are disappointments waiting to happen. When one has a system of expectations, then ‘I’ become the center of the universe and everything and everyone is subject to my judgment and punishment depending on how they are ‘currently’ meeting up those expectations (whether my expectations have been communicated or not). Expectations are all about ‘doing’ … about performance. There is little room for ‘being’ within the web of expectations and ‘being’ has little to offer the one trying to control through expectations. "Who cares about who you are as long as you are doing what I think I need and expect." Expectations are largely a substitute for God, or in some sense, the need we have to play God ourselves. And remember, ‘control’ is all about ‘fear’. Letting go of ‘expectations’ is soooo risky; it feels like a free fall since our world was held together by that web, but it is in that ‘risk’ that you find a God who does not meet your expectations (thankfully), but loves you and is involved, and in that ‘risk’ is where ‘faith’ grows. Then we begin to live more in the environment of ‘expectancy’, the edgy, free flowing realm of wonder and surprise. A question about ‘responsibility’: Slight focus change… ‘ability to respond’ - God give us an ability to respond (which is something that is dynamic and present tense and according to what is in front of us), rather than responsibility (which is static, a rule or principle, and independent of what is in front of us). In fact, when you live a life according to ‘responsibilities’, what is in front of you (the person or situation) can easily become an irritation or impediment to your successfully carrying out your ‘responsibilities’. It is the ‘doing’ that matters, not who is in front of you, or what the situation really is. ‘An ability to respond’ is dynamic, so now the person or situation in front of you becomes significant rather than an impediment, and you no longer draw from some agenda established by ‘responsibilities’ but you find that God who dwells within you joins with you to respond to that person or situation moment by moment as life moves and shifts in its dance. I love ya, you know…nothing to be concerned about…this is all a process, nothing to be ’skard’ about…Sarayu will teach you. Just so you know, 'Sarayu' is the author's name for the Holy Spirit in his book. It means 'wind' in another language. Cool, huh? So what do you think? Is this awesome or what? Our life is not about living up to any expectations or fulfilling responsibilities. It's about leaning on Father, Jesus, and Comforter, moment by moment. Living with an expectancy in our relationship with them as They give us the responses that we should have to every little moment in our day. Selah. | | |
| My son, Joseph, had surgery on his left shoulder on Friday. A little over two years ago, Joseph dislocated his shoulder playing soccer. Since that time, he has dislocated it 11 times! They say that once you dislocate your shoulder, it is much easier for it to happen again. I suppose if he never played soccer again, he could have completely healed and it would not have come out of place again. But, of course, he cannot give up soccer! That is out of the question! Hence, he kept injuring his shoulder, and it had to be surgically repaired. He will be off the soccer field for 6 months. But the doctor says he will feel good as new in 2 months, but he absolutely must not over-exert his arm/shoulder or it could tear and the surgery would have to be done over. And we can't have that. So he will have some rehab over the next 6 months. He's in a bit of pain right now, and not feeling quite his usual perky self, since he really cannot do much of anything. But his always resilient spirit carries him, and keeps him above the mood that could drag him down if he let it. He is the most contentedly, happy person, and his joy and peace are contagious. I'm so glad that Jesus is always with us, and He has not left us comfortless. His Wonderful Holy Spirit lives in us to comfort us and lift us up, and keep us in fellowship with our Dear God & Savior. Being one with Him, connected to Him is all that matters. Jesus says, "Live in the spirit of the moment." Whatever I'm doing can be a time of fellowship with Him. He keeps me lifted above whatever is going on around me, and His Spirit can flow through me towards others as I keep my heart stayed upon Him. I'm enjoying some rest from school work with Noah. I'm reading a book called The Shack by William P. Young. I highly recommend it. I'm only halfway through, but already, it has been such a blessing to me. When I'm reading it, I feel God's presence. It's like He is talking to me through the words on the page. I love books like that. OK. That's all for now. Love God and people. Hugs to everyone! | | |
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